see ya suckers

i am moving.
it is only 10 minutes away, but it might as well be china.
i know that moving is a good thing.
i know that i have expanded and grown as much as i can here in af.
i know that this is an exciting new chapter in my life as a single.
i know that this is best for all parties involved.


i am scared and sad all at the same time.

to uproot your life after 4.5 years is a really hard thing. i have only cried once while packing up all my belts. packing my belts wasn't the sad thing...i am not that lame.

i have realized that as i have lived with my sister i buy things as if i had my own house already. the velour green striped grandma chair i got for free and moved myself in my honda civic, my gigantic ikea dresser, my collection of 100 fingernail polishes, my shocking amount of shoes, my 30+ necklaces that i have lived without for 1 year but still can't part with, my many items of clothing and my random collection of books, ranging from classics my mom passed on my way to smutty novels with unlikely heroines trying to find love. {they are all the same, but i can't help but love them}

so what does moving out mean to me really?...
no more eating out
limited entertainment ie movies, tanning and music
no more shopping...this is quite possibly the saddest thing of all
saving money so i can buy my makeup
grocery shopping again

but i will have a pool...so i guess it all works out.

once i am all settled, come visit.

well my sister just got home and i am supposed to be packing and not blogging...whatever.


stop, collaborate and listen.

i forgot to make one very important post!

back when i was in california visiting my dear friend kc, we went to a little place called the broadway grill. we happened {well planned actually} to go on motown monday. this is where a little band named pure ecstasy performs all your favorite hits from the motown era! it was such a blast! the best part was that kc and ashton had a gift certificate for a free meal...awesome right?

well the catch was...i had to pretend to be ashton's sister mala! now i have never met mala before, but i have seen pictures of her and let me tell you, we look nothing alike! heck ashton and i look nothing alike! but i was mala for the evening nonetheless. ashton was so worried that they would ask for id, that i had to hide my purse all during dinner so that i could make the claim that i didn't have any id on me when questioned!

the best part of all of this was that pure ecstasy was the band the performed at kc and ashton's wedding almost 2 years ago. during the middle of the show as preston {the main guy} was walking around getting the names of all the birthday folks in the house, he recognized the grewal's and started chatting it up. it had been a year and half since their wedding and he still remembered where the reception was held. now that is customer service if i have ever seen it!

after we had happy birthday sung to all of us it got a little crazy! everyone was up dancing, everyone was singing, and the table next us of middle aged women were drunk and putting the vibe on preston. preston deep down loved us so much that he came back to our table! i got up and danced with him, to which he exclaimed...'go mala, go mala, go mala...and he repeated that like 20 times in a row. that isn't even me exaggerating either! it was like an awkward pause that lasted 1 whole minute. it was an awkward chant of encouragement!

all in all it was a really fun night and the best part, they didn't even ask for id and all i had to do was write down my {mala's} email on the back of the certificate! i learned a lot being mala for the evening!

me with 'my' gift certificate

thanks to kc for the pictures as i couldn't use mine cause it was in hiding in my purse under the table!

kc and the 'birthday girl' mala
me singing with preston's buddy

my generous hosts for the week

this is how 'into it' ashton got...i am sure if he ever looked at my blog he may be embarrassed of this priceless gem...sorry ashton!


I DID IT!!!!!!

that's right folks i just finished my 8 week running program and today being the last day i ran for 30 minutes straight! i can't believe that i did it! who knew that all the sweat, tears, sweat, early mornings, sweat, shin splints and again sweat...would lead me to running a total of 2.5 miles today! 8 weeks ago when i started i never knew the sense of accomplishment and pride i would be feeling right now! i can't believe that i didn't quit after week 3! somedays were harder than others, and somedays i felt on top of world and like nothing could ever bring me down! you have to understand, i HATED running! there was not one thing that i liked about it. running for more than 2 minutes was impossible! the first time that i ran a full mile a few weeks ago, i started to cry cause i couldn't believe that i had come so far in running!

it may seem silly to some of you, but for me this is a huge accomplishment and it has just helped me to understand that if there is something in my life that i really really want, i can have it! it has shown me that i am a lot stronger than i ever thought! i am so happy right now that i have found a new passion in life!

yes i sweat this much...nasty i know.

my new pearl izumi's!


it's true. it's my birthday. 24 is a good age.

what has 24 brought me so far...

a trip to walmart at 1:00 am
a surprise visit from my cousin joseph...my favorite cousin
plenty of crystal light fruit punch
an awesome run in my new pearl izumi's
lunch at china isle
lounging at the pool for 2.5 hours
getting a wicked sunburn line from my swimsuit
chatting with my bff kc on the phone
chilling with my friend joel for a minute
getting a $15 gift card to costa vida...thanks joely
dinner with rachael
went to see 'up'...probably the best movie ever, i will post about that later
eating tiramisu in the parking lot of stoneground
rubbing aloe vera lotion all over my sunburned shoulders

good day in my book!

it hurts right here

i can't complain...i didn't use sunblock!


what is wrong with blogger?

i failed to mention that someone called me last week...


he called the night of my grandma's viewing as i was running into my mom's house to drop off the skirt she mended for me. he left a simple voicemail saying the he 'wanted to go out to lunch sometime if i was still in the area, to talk'...what the eff? i have not talked to him since the end of march {while i was in sf} and i haven't even seen him since like february! who disappears for months at a time and then finally calls when i am going through my grandma's passing?

i debated whether or not to call him back cause i wasn't sure what to do honestly. i consulted with a few of my bff's and got conflicting answers which confused me even more. i dropped it for the night and woke up the next morning and ran my little guts and frustration out. focused on my grandma all day and forgot all about a. when i was finally home, i consulted with one more bff and got the answer i was looking for. there is no reason for me to call him back unless i am ready to tell him how i feel and how he really truly did hurt me all those months ago. and i am ready for that now...funny what time can do for you. i don't know that i will go to lunch with him seeing as i had to leave a voicemail and it has now been 5 days and still no returned call from him.

how convenient that i have finally stopped thinking about him. i no longer drift to sleep dreaming of him. i no longer hear a sad/love/sappy song and think of him. i no longer yearn to watch so you think you can dance with him. i no longer think about our miniature golf experience. i no longer think about yapona...well that is a lie cause that is dang good food. i no longer think about him. that is the bottom line. i removed him from my mind, and now he decides to come back around. why does this have to happen. it's not fair. he is supposed to move on because i was well on my way to moving on from him. we were supposed to be done for good...

i'm not sure i am strong enough to have to forget him again...i can't do that a second time.


deal with the devil

i may or may not have, but definitely did just make a deal with the devil aka my sister char.
we set a date and there is no going back.
i will be moved out of her house by august 15 no battle.
i opted for december 31st but apparently that isn't good enough for her.
where i will be going is still undetermined, but i will be on my own for real this time.
it is time to be an adult i guess.
just being shy of 24 is a little disgusting to me, but the thought of 25 next year almost brought me to tears.

the other day when we were driving down to monroe for my grandma's graveside service, i realized that it was the first time that me and all my siblings were in the same car since we were kids in the yellow van. all six of us piled in char's spacious sequoia and we embarked on our 2 hour 25 minute drive to the small hometown of grandma and grandpa. we sang along to kelly clarkson...much to matt an jakes dismay...talked about serious family issues, made fun of me for my boy situation, laughed at jake with his 'bff' girl.friend that he has a crush on, emme's still existing blood clot and kate's lack of understanding most things...just like grandma. it was so fun to know that we are all past the age of fighting on long drives. it was also a little weird to realize that we are all adults of sorts. the youngest, emme, is 19 and the oldest, char, is 30. we are an old family and i also realized that it will be the 6 of us that keep us all together. we are past the point of relying on my parents to get us together. somehow i think that being siblings is the thickest form of family. then again i'm not a mom, so i can't really say i've done it all yet.

i'm thinking of joining a cult, cause at least that way i would have someone telling me what to do with my life. that may be a little drastic, but i said i was only thinking about it.


all i ever wanted

a little over a week ago my grandma passed away in her home in bountiful. here is her obituary that was posted in the papers:

Colleen Webb Asay


1927 - 2009

Colleen Webb Asay, age 81, passed away peacefully on Thursday, June 4, 2009 at her home in Bountiful, Utah.

Born July 15, 1927 in Monroe, Utah, she was the oldest of five children to Glyde and Christie Ilene Morrison Webb. Colleen grew up in Monroe, attended elementary, junior and senior high schools and graduated from Brigham Young University.

Colleen married Carlos Egan Asay on October 20, 1947 in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. They reared seven of eight children and served together in numerous church callings. She was his companion when he served as President of the Texas North Mission, acted as President of the European Area and presided over the Salt Lake Temple. In these capacities she testified of her love of God and the truthfulness of His church. Her constant desire was to serve her Father in Heaven and her family and to reflect and teach her love of the gospel to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and those who crossed her path.

She is survived by her children, Marcianne (Mark) Cannon, James E. Asay, Marcus W. (Christy) Asay, Brent E. Asay, Clair F. (Jill) Asay, Timothy L. (Jennifer) Asay and Carleen (Gary) Seljaas; 39 grandchildren and 33 great-grandchildren; brothers and sister, Bill, Karen and John.

Preceded in death by her husband, Carlos Egan Asay; her infant son, Carlos L. Asay; parents; and sister, Virginia.

she suffered from alzheimer's, osteoporosis and arthritis and was truly suffering the last 6 weeks of her life. she was an amazing woman of faith, love and dedication to the gospel of jesus christ of latter-day saints and all those in her life. she always had a smile on her face and was always the last to laugh at a joke, even if she didn't understand it. a common thing that i heard a lot from those that knew my grandparents was that it was hard to think about colleen without thinking about carlos, and hard to think about carlos without thinking about colleen. they were truly in love. i mean how else could you get married at 20 and let your husband of 3 days head off to a far away land {syria, palestine} for a 3 year mission. she is a beautiful woman inside and out. we all love and miss her very much, but know that she is very happy being reunited with her loved ones.