like the darkness between the butterflies

last night when i was 'camping' up at mutual dell, after we had saran wrapped mike, andrew and tyler in their pop up camper {more to come on this topic}, we were lying on the grass and looking at the stars i realized that i really haven't taken that time to enjoy summer this year. i have missed so many clear nights to star gaze and hear the crickets chipping. i have ignored the warm gentle summer breeze as i am outside. and i haven't had nearly as many smore's as i know that i could have. the point is that i think i got too busy for summer this year. i hate that i have to work full time and not take a break for a weekend camping excursion. not like i am a huge camper or anything, but just being outside makes me feel good sometimes.

as i was standing in a clearing last night waiting for dinner to be ready {rather than help} i looked up and saw nothing but green leaves and clear blue sky, i heard the chatter of the babbling stream near our camp and felt the cool mountain air...i knew that i was in such a beautiful place. i could actually feel it's beauty. as lame and weird as it sounds i felt so beautiful being there. i felt like i have purpose and meaning, even though i wasn't doing anything to get dinner done faster.

for only the 2nd time in my life {and i know this isn't a common experience} i stayed up the entire night talking around a camp fire rather than sleeping in a tent. we had every intention of sleeping in sleeping bags and tents, but at about 3 am we had decided to just stay up the whole night. i got to see a different side of a few girls and get to know and understand them better. and they also saw a crazy and delusional side of me when i am extremely tired. it didn't matter that we were eating pasta salad at 4 in the morning, that we made up an imaginary pet raccoon named roger or that we swear on the holy bible that we were witnesses to the 3rd nephite...the important thing was that i had fun and felt like i finally was enjoying my summer!

a lot of things happened last night/this morning and i will post more about that later when i upload some pictures, but i think that after the day i had yesterday, it was just what i needed. to be around good people who built me up...all except kyle...who loved me and who i felt safe around. i am so grateful that i am blessed in my life to know such great people, otherwise i may have wound up sitting at home eating ben and jerry's all night.

r.i.p little roger.