oh my heck, you would never believe it. i went camping again...for the second time this summer. i think i just turned granola. just a little bit.
no, it was actually really fun. i got to leave work early for the first time in months, drive for an hour and a half with a pretty awesome guy, explore old memories of girls camp past with said pretty awesome guy, and all while wearing a skirt and flip.flops, cause that is how i roll when i go camping. it turns out that we were the first one's really there, well next to the 'adult' aka married leaders. so we did what anyone else would do...blasted chris brown from my ihome and chilled in the car waiting for other people to join us. alex got pretty good at hitting rocks with his stick he found on our exploration of the surroundings. when one my lifelines arrived in the form of jessie, i felt a little better about camping. i loved bossing people around as they put up my tent and got me settled. the tent was uber easy to put up, but if i can get a boy to do my dirty work of course i am going to let it happen. then we trudged down to the bathroom...which has been drastically re.invented at camp aeries. FLUSHING TOILETS! that is correct. the place that i went to almost every summer of my life between the ages of 12 and 18...the place where i had my 12.14and18thbirthdays now had flushing toilets with sinks to wash away the dirt from under you fingernails. anyway, we ate, played and watched volleyball, and then concluded the night with a major dance party in which i probably looked like an idiot most of the time. but who cared, these kids were all younger than me and i am pretty sure i was not trying to impress any of them...well one, but that is beside the point.
then jess and i finally were ready to hit the sack, but that meant blowing up my air mattress. as we were getting it ready we worried that we both wouldn't fit on it...it looked like a freakin twin size bed! as it inflated more and more we worried it wouldn't fit in the tent! jessie was literally getting pushed out of the tent door due to the massiveness of the mattress, while i was getting pushed into the tent on the opposite side! fun moments were had as we drifted to sleep. then i was woken up at 1:45 so that alex could move my bags to my car since they would most definitely not fit in the tent! this being after him, austin and mike 'stole' my car and headed to mikes grandpa's time share to take a dip in the hot tub...which turns out they had planned the whole time...losers!
we awoke to annoying people talking about breakfast. imagine my disappointment to find out it was nothing more than costco muffins and chocolate milk. i'm not ungrateful by any means, but the last tiem i went camping i enjoyed french toast, fresh fruit and muffins. whatev. then lavell edwards, former byu football coach, came and spoke to us. i wasn't bored, just really tired and semi dreading our upcoming 'service project'. we were supposed to 'widen the trails, and clear them on debris in the form of garbage and twigs'. we made it about 100 feet from where we started. jessie, becca mc, and i broke a branch from a tree that was obstructing the pathway. the branch snapped and fell with a lot of force on top of us. my arm has the wounds to prove it. and i am now realizing that we were the adventurous 3 of the 8 and decided to 'walk' down to the river. i say 'walk' cause it was more like scaling the side of the mountain. and let's remember, i was in flip.flops. i had shoes, but i wasn't really expecting to do much with this service project. we made it about 30 feet down and realized the trail ended. then aly had to scale back up the mountain in flip.flops. not so easy.
we 'enjoyed' a lunch of taco salad and packed up to go home. i thought my muffler was going to literally fall off on the bumpy road back down. we stopped at a local grocery store in kamas and hit the road. alex found a bug in my ear, then fell asleep and talked in his sleep. i had a lot of time to think...that was nice. it rained a lot. i half thought about stopping and playing in the rain, but my literal logic was 'my feet are filthy and it is raining...they will end up muddy'. yeah try and figure that one out. i was really tired i guess.
as i played back the events of the less than 24 hours i was gone, i thought about my behavior. i did so many things outside of myself. bold things like scaling the mountain in flip.flops, danced until i sweat on top of a table...is that appropriate at a church activity, in a skirt nonetheless...and oh yeah...SLEPT IN A TENT! anyway i did all these things, but not the one thing that i wanted to do this weekend. express myself. i was so bold in other aspects, but the second i thought about my emotions and feelings...yeah right! i couldn't do that. i really want to and feel like i owe at least that much to myself, but i just can't. i don't care about rejection, i care about losing. losing really sucks and i don't want to and i'm not sure i can. i was so confused and that is twisted! i hate not knowing what the future holds. i wish i could just live my life as if i only had 5 years left to live. i wouldn't be hesitating about this, that is for sure. i need to stop thinking and analyzing and start just doing! like nike...just do it.
