i am so frustrated today.
oh my talk went pretty well i guess. i bought a really cute dress, belt and shoes for the event accessorized with the new Shade Clothing cardigan vest in heathered olive to off set the new plum dress. i was pretty cute.
i was so glad that it was over, except that there was someone in the congregation that i dreaded talking to after. i had mixed emotions seeing this person and didn't know whether to smile with glee or cry from frustration. i ultimately chose neither.
he told me i was being mean after. to him. mean to him because we had an hour text convo the night before after midnight which shouldn't count cause my brain shuts of at 11 these days. apparently my sluggish and very starving body said something not up to par.
i played the piano after church and got so upset that i started to cry cause i just had so much emotion built up over .a. and so much anger and annoyance with .n. that all i could do was cry as i contined playing the song cause i refused to stop just so i could cry.
it didn't help later tonight to have my 'best' friend complain about her bf and ask my advice which is all she seems to call me for these days. she has no idea what i am going through and hasn't for a few months. and i didn't feel like telling her would make me feel better cause i knew she wouldn't really be listening cause our whole friendship her problems are always more important and bigger.
oh well i am glad that i get to see real friends at work tomorrow to cry to. cause let's face it, i will probably cry tomorrow too. this is a crossroads of sorts and i can't handle this right now in my life. i am too busy to have a breakdown, well for at least a few months. you know with the holidays coming up, i need to be in top 'fronting' condition. it's a family thing and i am a little rusty.
but somehow right now listening to .come on eileen. by dexy's midnight runners is making me want to dance the night away and forget about both .a. and .n.
great song.
i'm bobbing my head and tapping my toe as we speak...now excuse me while i dance my frustration and sorrow away.
goodnight.
4 comments:
You know you do have an older brother you could talk to about some of this, plus you have a little brother who will be home in like 2 weeks, and I'm sure he'll listen too.
i love you aly!! me, you and jess should go to dinner an a movie this week or next.
real friends? Like who? are you talking about clint and your sister dan?
I wish I still lived nearby so that we could hang out like we used to. I miss you so much Aly and I'm sorry that life isn't going the way it's supposed to. But you are an amazing person so amazing things are bound to happen to you.
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